Wednesday, August 21, 2002
John Podhoretz has invented a new game: imagine movies other than Flashdance being remade into surfer flix like Blue Crush. He suggests Wuthering Heights and Stage Door for starters, but really, the possibilities are endless.
CITIZEN KANE: Charles Foster Kane devoted his life to building monuments to his own magnificence, only to find, at the end of the road, that none of it mattered. He had everything a man could possibly want, but what he wanted, what he could never have again, was that simple thing that gave him so much joy as a child, that simple surfboard . . .
CASABLANCA: Rick's been out of the game for years, ever since that rigged contest in Spain. Now he runs a parasailing outfit catering to tourists while his old girl and fellow surfing champ moons over that parapalegic (but still charismatic) ex-surfer Laszlo. But when the Columbian drug lords (what do you want, Nazis?) move in on the surf scene . . .
THE RED SHOES: Like virgins sacrificed to the volcano, aspiring surfer-girls are thrown into the firm but warm embrace of Boris, acknowledged master of the board. But can Victoria complete her training after falling for Boris's undisciplined but extremely blonde assistant surf-master . . .
E.T.: A space alien crash-lands in Hawaii and is adopted by a local human child, who teaches him to surf . . . wait a second: didn't Disney just do this one?